It’s been a while since my last post here. The everyday life of a mother has sucked up all my time and energy, being in the moment and taking a break from overdoing too much other things. Today I really feel like writing. Theo recently turned 5 months old, and as I write this he is behind me sleeping soundly (beautifully and peacefully).
Many thoughts have been today going through my mind. Recently we bought Theo a new (and light!) stroller, which I must say is more of a comfort to me than bringing him happiness. He loves being carried and being in arms, as all small babies should. And today I went back to the rebozo (carrying sling). It was a good experience- one of those when I came back home sweaty, tired, in a bad mood. He was sound asleep and happy, but not much difference than those times with the stroller. To me it was. He has grown big and heavy, and the sling is not any more a first choice for long journeys in the city. For home use its great, but the time has gone when we were tied together 24-7. It was a small thing, but a strong realisation of how he is growing, and me giving in into al sorts of imagined ideas of how I want to raise him. I give up, my body just doesn’t allow for such perfectionism (my 9’s talking here).
I can see a difference those days when we use the stroller a lot. He becomes (the difference is subtle and slight) more isolated, slightly more irritable and needs more entertainment. Yet I realised today, that in spite of being aware of that, I just cannot physically give him 24-7 hours of body contact anymore. The long uncertain nights have given way to more routine and peaceful days and nights, which is such a relief for me as well. Also, he does not ask for the 24-7 carrying, and is happy playing alone for a while.
Life in this point is so full of moments of awareness. My own cells bring the traditions from my mexican ancestors, yet Theo also has qualities from these northern peoples. I can see both sides in his personality in development.
Another thought today caught my attention: What is the most important thing that I would like to give my child? That means, if I would be gone tomorrow, what would I like it to be my legacy to him (and the others yet to come)? It would need to be something bigger than me, a connection with the divine, an understanding of this play we are all in (maya), and the link to God through Guru. Thats it. The only thought, knowledge and experience of being part of the play of something bigger is what I want to give him- so he will not be dissapointed by the time when he realises that mama and papa are not perfect, or that his mates are also not perfect, or that even he is not perfect. The experience that he can always lean on Guru for answers, for hope, for uplifting and elevating himself and others. And of course, the core of the teachings that is, live for the other. No matter in how many problems or situations I might be stuck today, the sole thought of helping another makes it all senseless. Live for each other, said Yogiji. Thats it. It makes life easy, smooth, relaxing. And of course, gratitude for all.
I am grateful that my child came into my world by the time I have this depth in understanding. Thats probably what I was so afraid of when thinking of having children years ago. I was not consciously mature. But now I have these teachings to give him, and serving the sangat while doing so, is the most divine gift that god has given me. Obey, serve, love, excel. Humility, service, compassion and realisation. The teachings of Guruji, the way to live in this world to walk light and in light. If it was not for elevating others, there would be no purpose in this life at all. Serving humanity to the very last breath in this world. Sharing the technology, the teachings of consciousness. Being a bridge- serving others find the divine in themselves, that is the only thing why I came into this life, and that is what I want to give to my Theo. That is my teaching to him. All other is just icing.
Varsti algab meie heaks kiidetud sari veelkord, kus beebiootel naised saavad koos joogat teha, jagada oma kogemused, küsimused, jne. Iga kord tutvustan uus teema mis on väga oluline rasedusel, sünnitusel ja naise elus. Seekord mina ise olen ka beebiootel ja samamoodi jagan enda kogemused teise rasedusega, ning loodan et leiate sellest palju inspiratsioon, vaprust, armastust ja julgust olla teadlik oma lapseoote ajal – ja pärast ka!
õnnistusi, Sukhdev K
Täna meil lõppes suurepärane kahe päevane workshop Sissejuhatus Karam kriyasse: Elu maagilised numbrid. Täname Sohan Kaur! Tuli meil täna jutt sellest, mida 2012. aasta meil ootab. Selle kohta meil on tulemas kahe nädala pärast (6.02) workshop Jivan Muktaga (Soomest) kes annab ülevaade Veevalaja ajastu ülemineku faasi lõpp (2011-2012 aastal toimub viimane osa ülemineku Kalade – Veevalaja ajastuks). Lisaks Jivan Mukta annab lühike Meditatiivse tervendamise workshop laupäeval 5.02.
Kõik huvilised on teretulnud!
Sat Nam! Last weekend we had the last module of this year’s Kundalini yoga teacher training. It was wonderful to see the progress of each and every new teacher, their personal growth, the growth of the group consciousness and the projection to the future crossing all borders of space and time! They have such bright futures and they will help a lot of people to live more consciously and reach their own light inside.
Next year’s teacher training’s registration is already open, new teachers-to-be are welcome! We have an info-class on 30.11. The training is held in English with translation into Estonian. More info below.
When Yogi Bhajan, Master of Kundalini Yoga, arrived in the United States in 1969 he stated his mission: “I have come to create Teachers, not to gather disciples”
INFOTUND: 30.november 2010, kl 18:30-20:30, Budakojas (aadress Luha 1, Tallinn) – see on see hetk kus küsida kõik mis onkoolitusega seotud! Mina annan jooga tund, ja praeguse koolituse lõpetajad tulevad kohale jagama oma kogemusi. Infotunni hind on 100 eek.
Kõik infot koolitusest leiad siit: Õpetajate koolitus
All pregnant mammas are welcome to the Conscious pregnancy course, starting 12. october. If you need info in English, write me!
Kõik infot leiate siit: Conscious pregnancy
Sat Nam! I am happy to have finished the Conscious pregnancy course with Tarn Taran Kaur Khalsa from USA and Seva Kaur from Norway. It was great having them around, and to have about 20 lovely women who also studied and are ready to uplift others! And tomorrow Sarabjit Kaur Khalsa from Madrid is coming to teach on the KY Teacher training level 1.
- Regular Kundalini Yoga classes will start September 1, 2010 until December.
- and Conscious Pregnancy yoga classes are starting already next week!
- Besides that, I will have a Beginners course in september (more info soon), a Women’s class and a Numerology course in november.
- Kundalini Yoga level 1 Teacher Training is starting in March, 2011.
- Also, private Sat Nam Rasayan healing sessions and numerology consultations in the autumn (call for booking)
All pregnant women are welcome! I will have Drop-in classes (in Estonian and if needed in English) until October 5th, and then a deeper 10-week course which will cover all the subjects related to pregnancy, birth and beyond, from the 120 days from conception when the soul enters the body, to pregnancy massage, facing challenges, pain and fear of birth, conscious breathing and birthing, beyond birth and baby in your arms.
to all the mothers,
some long gone but never lost in our memories,
some living in the everyday rush of taking care of their kids,
some living far away from their grown up children, watching them uncurl their own lives,
some who have lost their ones, but remain mothers forever,
some who are young and not yet mothers, but already girls and women who have the inborn maternal instinct in their hearts,
and one who is mother of all, mother earth, Adi Shakti, the primal women energy who created this universe.
The love and the prayer of the mother is one of the purest and most powerful energies in the world. In the womb, it can totally transform the soul of the baby to come, and in life it can bless its grown-up children with a blissful and loving future. There is no time, no space and no limits for the love and the blessings of a mother. I sometimes think that I must have prayed too much when I was pregnant, for I achieved one of the purest souls in the planet to live through me.
Yesterday I read one very beautiful quote by Yogi Bhajan:
“I believe it takes only one woman and one birth to change the whole planet. All it takes is one woman to create one consciousness equal to Guru Nanak or Christ or Buddha. Guru Nanak came out of a woman. Jesus came out of Mary; Krishna, Buddha, everybody, including me, came out of a woman. Therefore, I honestly believe that it is the glory of the woman that spreads the light on this earth.” -Yogi Bhajan
Today, I sit behind the computer with Orkita (my cat) on my lap, while Teedu sits in the ferry on his way to Finland. Yet another departure, once more alone.
Everybody says (including me!) that nobody is never alone, that even though he and Vida are not here physically, I am not alone. They are absolutely right, yet the physical and psychical feeling of something leaving, and a hole, is very much real. And I used to think that “I shouldnt feel like this” but not anymore. It is OK to feel like this, it is only human and it reminds of the human experience that we, as spiritual beings, are living in this world. Or do you think that I should be strong and spiritual and all that crap and not feel alone?
Allowing feelings and emotions arise and dissapear is a true art. The trick is not in suppressing feelings but in letting them run their natural course. Today I cried when Teet left, and though I know he is not far and he will come back soon, it is still a departure and physically it hurts. Crying is healing, and allowing the emotions to live their course is an ultimate healing. Even in the rapture of crying, I can feel the emotion but not feel attached to it. I will not die because of it. And I’ve been through enough departures to see the beauty of it, the power that love between two beings has, and the power that holds them together through time and space. In my cry, today I realised how beautiful and powerful the story of the woman waiting for her beloved is.
One of the most beautiful poems, written in over 1400 pages and in many languages interconnected, is the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. It is a living prayer, and it is very simple. It is, in simple terms, the story of the woman who is waiting for her beloved. She prepares the bed beautifully, she washes herself and puts on the most beautiful dress, she does all the things to prepare for his arrival and to serve her beloved. She prays for his arrival, and when the beloved comes, the house is filled with joy. The union of the wife and husband is one of the most ancient and most profound stories of humanity. In the Siri Guru Granth Sahib, the story is not about a physical woman and man but it is a metaphor for the longing of the soul. The soul-bride is longing for the union with her beloved husband-god. All the story, is about the thirst that the soul has to be completed, to be united with her creator. All religions, all philosopies, all capitalism, all human wish, creation and action is driven in its purest principle from this desire of union. The husband-lord, creator, beloved and god, stand for that energy which is prior to the Adi Shakti, the female power, which is the state of bliss from beyond time-space, from the zero, from enlightement, from heaven, from paradise and whatever word is there to express that infinite joy and bliss from timeless eternity which we have all experienced beyond this physical world. But it is through the physical world and body through which we have the opportunity to achieve that union.
Longing is one of the most beautiful feelings that a human can experience, because it is the longing of the soul to be united with the creation/creator that is what drives all love.
Unconsciously consciously, I am writing in this blog more important passages of my PhD than in the “official” file. It is much more fun to write it to share in this manner. So comments are humbly welcome.
Today as I am writing this, the sun is shining straight to my face through the window. Though outside is still below zero, and all the snow is brightly shining in its mountains in the courtyard and on the streets, the feeling of spring coming closer is in the air. With the spring, every year begin new cycles in nature, and since we humans are part of nature, we also experience a kind of re-awakening. This year for me, is a much more special spring than it has ever been before. Together with my daughter Vida in my heart, I walk again in this life with new eyes and open heart.