Category Archives: relationships

Radiant Woman, Radiant Parents – Workshop with Gurujagat

Sat nam armsad,
Kutsun teid suurepärasele õhtule Gurujagat Kauriga (Prantsusmaalt) uues keskuses Dharamsaalis. Selle sündmusega tähistame uue keskuse avamist! Kutsun ja ootan teid väga osalema.

(Info in English please scroll down)

Kiirgav Naine, Kiirgavad Vanemad 
Kundalini jooga meistritund Gurujagat Kaur’iga (France)gurujagat_kaur_yoga_doula

 

Koht: Dharamsaal, Kundalini jooga ja Humanoloogia keskus (Liivalaia 11-14, Tallinn)
Annetus: soovituslikult 12-15 eurot
Aeg: Kolmapäev 18.06, kl 19:30-21:30
Tund on avatud kõigile ja toimub inglise keeles! Kui vajad tõlget, palun kontakteeru.Õhtune praktika jooga, meditatsiooni ja avatud küsimuste-vastuste ringiga teemadel teadlik viljastamine ja rasedus, püha sünnitusjärgne periood ning teadlik lapsevanemlus. Teretulnud on nii mehed kui ka naised kõikide teemadesse puudutavate küsimustega, hoolimata sellest, kas oled lapsevanem või mitte.Gurujagat Kaur (Prantsusmaa) tutvus Kundalini joogaga 1975. aastal, elades Amsterdamis Euroopa ema-ashramis 11 aastat. Seal olles pühendus ta süvitsi Yogi Bhajani õpetuste uurimisele ja praktiseerimisele. Ta on ema neljale lapsele ja seeläbi puutunud kokku iidsete, kuid samal ajal modernsete, ayurveedalike emaks olemise õpetustega. Gurujagat on üle 25 aasta toetanud naisi, paare ja perekondi lapsevanemaks kasvamise teel. Lisaks on ta õppinud suhtlemispsühholoogiat, NLP-d, Vägivallatut suhtlemist ja pere-ning abielunõustamist, et rikastada oma oskusi holistilise terapeudi ja koolitajana. Täna soovib ta jagada oma väärtuslikke kogemusi Sinuga!
Avatud õhtu toimub Yoga Doula ja Teadliku Rasedate jooga koolituse raames. Sellest rohkem infot siitLisainfo:
Sukhdev Kaur
+372 53731839  sukhdevkaur@khalsa.com
DHARAMSAAL- Kundalini jooga ja Humanoloogia keskus Tallinnas

Radiant Woman, Radiant Parents
Kundalini yoga master class with Gurujagat Kaur (France) gurujagat_kaur_yoga_doula

Place: Dharamsaal, Center of Kundalini Yoga and Humanology (Liivalaia 11-14, Tallinn)
Donation: 12-15 eur suggested
Time: Wednesday 18.06, 19:30 – 21:30 hrs
Open to all public!
Class will be taught in English language. If you require translation into Estonian please contact us.

An evening with practice of yoga and meditation and open Questions and Answers around the themes of Conscious Conception, Conscious Pregnancy, Sacred Postnatal time and Conscious Parenting. All questions are welcome and all men and women interested in the topic, regardless of being parents or not.

Gurujagat Kaur (France) came first across Kundalini Yoga in 1975 in Amsterdam. She shared the yogic lifestyle in the European Mother-Ashram for 11 years, studying and practicing the vast teachings of Yogi Bhajan. Giving birth to four children enabled her to put into practice the ancient yet modern ayurvedic maternity tradition. For over 25 years she has accompanied women, couples and families on this beautiful path to becoming parents. Courses in Human Relations, NLP, Non-Violent Communication and Family and Marital Counseling enhance her yogic background as a holistic trainer. Today, she wishes to share this treasure of knowledge and experiences with you.

The open evening is organized in the framework of the Yoga Doula and Conscious Pregnancy yoga training. More information on the training HEREMore information:
Sukhdev Kaur
+372 53731839  sukhdevkaur@khalsa.com

DHARAMSAAL- Center of Kundalini Yoga and Humanology in Tallinn, Estonia
http://www.dharamsaal.ee“That is the first sign, the first qualification of a Kundalini Yoga Teacher–that he goes through calamity with a radiant smile, he deals with another person with a most humble understanding and he lives in the core relationship of Imperial Majesty.” ~ Yogi Bhajan

 

Grief: accompanying others

If I have only one line to say when someone just recently lost a loved one, its hard to pick the best. I know that to me most of the things people said to me when I lost my daughter meant they were wordless so whatever came from their mouths wasn’t about the worlds, but about the empathy and about the inability to find the right words. I know that because I feel the same when I see someone who has just lost their dear ones.

What did I do to cope? I just let it all come in, welcomed all feelings and emotions and rage and sadness to take over, yet remaining myself. I did feel like they would tear me apart from inside, and I felt physical, mental, spiritual pain 24 hours. Yet I trusted that I couldn’t do otherwise, I couldn’t hide it nor push it away, and so the only way was to accept them and know that they would become a part of me. Life was never going to be the same. I had been stamped with a stamp on the forehead that I thought would never touch me. Yet I embraced it as I embraced life itself. Because this was a part of me now and for ever. 

So what do I say? Allow whatever comes through you to happen. Just allow yourself to feel all those feelings in a conscious and deep way. Theres no other way out. It made me weak forever, and in that weakness I realized my infinite strength. I did not succumb to those so that means I survived. And If I could survive the unsurvivable then that means that life does heal and there is nothing in the world that happens to those who are not ready. I saw this all as a blessing and was grateful for that pain, for that loss, for that falling apart. It felt as if my physical body was changing skin, my chest with a heavy emptiness, my heart physically broken. And in that void I realized God. And God chose me for this because I was strong inside and I could allow myself to be weak. And I breathed that all deeply in and out, not pushing it away by breathing shallowly or refusing to breath in, but by breathing in that pain deeper and deeper and deeper. That was the healing. And If I did it, then anyone can do it. Sinking sinking farther within with a conscious deep breath. Until the pain subsided and life went forth. ONLY at its due time. Without that pause, that lingering in the void, the feelings can trap us. Life will move again around other things – meaningless they might seem then – and joy will reign again, after the healing has happened. 

And what about what others say? mostly they will say the wrong things. Just empathize with them. Your heart is broken and that is why it is now bigger and full of kindness, and others cannot imagine that. And please remember that every person has their own way to grief and needs to be allowed to grief their own way. 

There was this one saying that really supported me all the way through:

“Let sorrowful longing dwell in your heart.
Never give up, never lose hope.
Allah says, “The broken ones are my beloved.”
Crush your heart. Be broken.
– Shaikh Abu Saeed Abil Kheir, aka Nobody, Son of Nobody.

In the pitch black darkness you can find a blinding light. It is not a light to be seen with the eyes, but it is the true light of the soul. 

Maybe this is my line. 

May we all find that light over and over again in all of our little or big darknesses, that is my prayer.

PS- mothers and family members around the world have started many different beautiful projects after the loss of a dear one. Check out Ben’s Bells, spreading kindness all over. 
And thanks to my dear sister Nirvair Kaur Khalsa from Tucson who told me that story and gifted me the beautiful book Tear Soup, which I highly recommend (and I keep some copies at home to gift in such cases)

– In service of the divine in all,
Sukhdev Kaur

 

The three languages of the psyche

It is only through accepting our humanness in the nakedness of our being that we can reach peace. We cannot deny anything good or bad within us, we can only stop judging it. We can learn to love ourselves with greater compassion, rather than being immersed in a false reality made out of poison: comparing, competing and criticizing.
Only when we learn to love ourselves in our flaws and shortcomings we can say we are truly true, we are home.
Please bare with me, read this more slowly:
It is only through accepting your humanness in the nakedness of your being that you can reach peace. You cannot deny anything good or bad within you, you can only stop judging it. You can learn to love yourself with greater compassion, rather than being immersed in a false reality made out of poison: comparing, competing and criticizing.
Only when you learn to love yourself in your flaws and shortcomings you can say you are truly true, you are home.
And once more, please become subtle and patient, if possible read this out loud, and make it yours:
It is only through accepting my humanness in the nakedness of my being that I can reach peace. I cannot deny anything good or bad within me, I can only stop judging it. I can learn to love myself with greater compassion, rather than being immersed in a false reality made out of poison: comparing, competing and criticizing.
Only when I learn to love myself in my flaws and shortcomings I can say I am truly true, I am home.

The oriental woman

This is the title of a set of Yogi Bhajan’s lectures back in the 1970’s or 80’s. I don’t remember exactly and as I am writing from bed with Theo in my arms I don’t bother searching.

The oriental woman in contrast with the western woman. That’s what he meant. As he came to teach in the west, America and Europe, in this respect is practically the same. Values of women have been completely lost. Maybe it was in the process of industrialization, feminization, globalization, capitalism and all those evil zations and isms out there.

woman in Turkey, photo by Teet Tooming
woman in Turkey, photo by Teet Tooming

Yogi Bhajan ( I prefer to call him el Maestro), el Maestro taught us to be like the oriental woman. He told us we should be like the oriental woman. But what he meant it remains unclear, and as I travel the world I always ask again and again what he meant by that. I get all sorts of answers, yet I know in my intuition exactly what he meant, but it’s too hard for many to take.

El Maestro was an advocate of women. He hated to see how we had downgraded and sold ourselves as sexual objects called ‘chicks’ instead of the powerful and graceful eagles we could become. He would teach women day after day how we should value ourselves by being a woman instead of trying to be something else, instead if going out there and search for everything. Things will search for you when you are a woman.

The oriental woman has one characteristic which I haven’t found in either American or European cultures, getting also lost in Mexico and all over the world. It is the virtue of devotion. It is a virtue which makes life soft, beautiful, divine, loving. A virtue you cannot understand or perceive fully if you don’t have a beloved to which devote yourself. This devotion I am speaking about is a divine devotion, which bridges that incredible dark gap we have in longing to belong. This hole- sometimes it is very real and physical in the chest- is something we all experience as a desire to belong. Some more than others, but it is part of coming into this life, being born and separated from that oneness, and becoming human. Nobody escapes that longing. You can call it a human condition. We all want to feel again whole, being part of that clan, that heaven which we once knew. Suffering comes when we either negate that longing or we cannot find our beloved or belonging to which belong. There is a metaphore of the wife/bride looking for his husband/groom and when she cannot find him she cries in despair, lost in the dark night, hopeless and broken. That is the state in which our soul looks for being completed, being happy, being whole. The soul inside of each of us yearns to be part of that Infinite it once knew, and here in this game called “earth” we come to find the way to do that. To win by playing within the rules. To defeat the game by playing by the rules.

the prayer of the beloved, is one of the highest prayers and ways of liberation
the prayer of the beloved, is one of the highest prayers and ways of liberation

So in this game, devotion comes in handy. It has the power to connect us with that beloved, that infinite, to set our anchor in the right place, to place an altar to that infinity, to realise that our wisdom has a purpose, and so we can feel Whole and One once more. In life, constantly. Not be lost like that soul bride in an empty bed. To feel the joy of being part of the One, that one which is actually inside of you, but in order to connect we need to find a path, an inspiration which will remind us of that light within. Technically, most religions started that way, to reflect that wisdom and connect you with an image of that inner reality. Many got lost in the way, but devotion is something that at least in some way has remained- in the oriental woman. The oriental woman as I see her, and as I am inspired by (and this is an image, may not be related to geographical surroundings or any “orient” in particular, but who said that El Maestro meant any geographical location?) is humble, is serviceful to her husband (her real husband but mostly her divine husband), is always accompanying her husband and walking softly behind him. She is a subtle inspiration, a light breeze which blows softly in the twilight, pointing to the right direction of the way. She is that woman who gracefully and patiently waits for her husband to awaken, making him lovingly food every day. She is that woman who is constantly in prayer, living in compassion and acting with kindness with everyone and in every situation. She is not in contradiction with a strong woman, in fact, she is stronger and steadier than any screaming and pounding woman. For her strength lies in her wit, in her inner wisdom, in her forgiveness, in her vibration, in her prayer. She devotes time for herself in deep meditation, sometimes while still serving others. That is the fulfillment of her self as a woman. And that is the highest blessing we women can awaken. It does not mean that we are not strong, powerful entrepreneurs or global women, it is not in contradiction. The same way she is a warrior when giving birth, she is a warrior without having to be in the frontline of battle. We don’t have to choose between one or the other. What we do have to choose is to do it consciously, by choice and not by imposition.

As a woman, just know that your power is a subtle one, and your light will shine through your service for others. The more lights you can awaken, the more your prayer works. Without that you have to move an inch.

 

God-like parenting

This is probably the most important thing I have learnt from the master about parenting. Although he said it directly only a few times, this concept resonates within all of Yogiji’s teachings on parenting.

And it is actually a very simple idea, easy to remember, yet takes a lot of courage and practice to apply. I like to call it god-like parenting.

In your parenting, act like god. Talk to your children like god would talk to them, heave like god, dress like god, act like god, love like god, forgive like god, be compassionate like god, be humble like god, graceful, radiant and patient like god.

But what does that mean exactly? Well, to me god is the existence beyond any limitations. It is the limitless, infinite, liberated part of me (and of each and every one) that escapes all descriptions, all faults and flaws, in one word- all limits. In other woes, god is the experience of the infinite within. That vast source of ecstasy, of boundless love, strength, courage, and all qualities you find in the realm of the higher self. God, in a way, is the exponential potential you, your great potential expanded exponentially.

So to say that as a parent (or as a person really! In all your actions) you must be patient like god, it means that your patience must not be limited. This is easily brought to light many times having a nursing toddler who is tossing and turning trying to fight imminent sleep. Just remain patient when you feel your patience reaches a limit, just reach out for your god-like backpack of infinite patience. And believe me, it works.
And do the same with each and every quality you attach to the word god.
Do not believe me, just try it.
You will surprise yourself of how great, magnificent, kind and graceful you can be.
In humble service of the divine within all,
Sukhdev Kaur

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A story of gratitude

God gives all these precious gifts to each and every one of us. In reality, we all prosper. Just looking at a child, growing in any surrounding, nature provides everything to that child. He or she receives a mother who nurtures him, brings food and warmth, love and security to every moment of his life. He receives a father, a protecting figure who makes sure there is a roof, a safe environment for the mother and baby. Sometimes nature gives different gifts than those, takes the mother or father away and provides a bigger challenge. Nevertheless, the child grows and prospers. Nature is wise.

In reality, our job is not to interfere with our ego-mind. What we must instruct it to do, is to become grateful for all those gifts that have been given. Grateful in every way, in every situation. That of course, doesn’t mean you become passive. It means that you can actually act from a neutral place, where you can enjoy a high perspective.

Imagine looking at a city from above.

You will see the people walking on the streets, the traffic, the rhythms. If you look closer you will see the windows of every house, holding a different story behind each of them, a family sleeping, a dog alone barking, a couple having dinner, a child playing with a cat. Among them, you will see your story, the emotional reaction you are having to this hard day, the way you are so focused in your financial situation, your worries about tomorrow, your jealousy for the couple upstairs or for the innocence of the child playing with the cat.

Zoom out again.

Realize that the couple have also their own worries. Every story behind every window has their own bubble of emotions, commotions, passions, worries, limitations.

Now what does this big picture give you? You can just accept that you are just one more of the crowd, useless, worthless, struggling like the rest.

Or you can discover the treasures you hold and be grateful for them. The smallest things like the look on your dear children when they wake up, or the food you have on the table, or the broken car which nevertheless brings you to places. Or even the old and humble furniture you hate, or the job that you don’t like but helps you to pay the bills.

We have been trained to think that the grass is always greener on the other side. It is part of a sequence in our mind, an illusion which actually helps us to develop the power of will, the power to move and to act. Yet the illusion will not bring us to happiness. It is the inner harmony with tr present moment that can only bring back to a sense of prosperity. This is all begins with recognizing, accepting and agreeing where I am standing. This is my story.
We need to stop living in our minds and rehearsing the story of the neighbor- if I had money… If I had that wife… If I was this or that. The first step to finding peace is through gratitude. However dark and gloomy my own story may seem, it is mine, and that is already a precious finding. Thank god, thank the universe, thank yourself, thank whoever and whatever that has helped you shape your story. Because it is unique and valuable as it is.

We all create our stories. There are certain patterns we follow, personal, inherited, societal, national and universal patterns which help us shape that story. Yes, you can and must become aware if those patterns and change the ones you don’t need or which are negative. Yet even each if those has been there for a purpose, whether you realise it or not, but you can be grateful for each of them.

I am grateful specially for the difficult and challenging situations in my life. Because through them, I have had to find the courage to go through, to find the light in the darkness, to wake myself up so that I can shine, to become neutral in the middle of emotion and commotion. And that I can guide others in spite of whatever turbulence is going in in my story. And at the end, that turbulence will find peace if I find the gratitude in the middle of it.

In humble service and love to the one in all,
Sukhdev Kaur

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Communicate for a better tomorrow

A truly conscious and harmonious communication is a great challenge for all onus humans. Specially is we haven’t grown up with that, or we don’t have any experience on that. Yet it is the key to all success, specially in relationships, in family life, in parenting.
It is a challenge, yet as with all great challenges we are posed a choice: do we keep communicating to hurt each other, to feed our own negative habitual communication, keep reacting and feeding our selfish ego, or do we choose to be conscious every time and transcend the present situation in order for a better future. That means sometimes compromising our own way of seeing the world (eg I know that I am right and you are wrong!…) and:
1) learning to see the other’s point of view = EMPATHY
2) understanding the other through COMPASSION (maybe they at slower to learn, or they just can’t understand our point of view?)
3) keep communicating (non violently), explain everything you think and you need and NEVER taking anything for granted.
4) all communication is meant to elevate us (both sides!) = UPLIFT the other!
5) be civilised. Usually we behave like beasts while communicating (throwing our own garbage to the other, being emotional, reactive). Take at least 9 seconds to respond. And don’t communicate in the heat of anger or resentment.
6) patience, patience and more patience. And relax… You can communicate better when you are relaxed (even though your needs maybe have not been met)
7) LISTEN. Listen carefully and patiently. Try to imagine how the other is feeling and UNDERSTAND that the other has also needs to be met, although he may not know how to express them. Don’t go into “I’m right and you are wrong”, because actually, both are always right, since each of you is alive and has needs. Be an active listener to what the other is saying, not to what your mind is telling you (usually already cooking an answer?)

Here are Yogi Bhajans 5 rules for Harmonious Communication:
http://www.3ho.org/kundalini-yoga/humanology/communication/

Blessed blessed be thy communication, angelic, blissful, uplifting, healing and full of life!

In gratitude (quickly writing from my iPod 🙂
Sukhdev Kaur