All posts by Sukhdev Kaur

three prayers for the Gulf of Mexico

The terrible accident in the name of greed that is continuously happening in the Gulf of Mexico needs the prayers of all living humans. I share some prayers that were posted in a forum, on healing Mother Earth’s crust.

Prayer of Dr Emoto, author of Messages from Water.

Dr. Masaru Emoto’s Healing Prayer for the Gulf & Focusing our energies in response to the Gulf tragedy and for healing the waters and its inhabitants You may recognize Dr. Masaru Emoto as the scientist from Japan who has done all the research and publications about the characteristics of water.  Among other things, his research reveals that water physically responds to emotions. Right now, many of us are feeling despair, grief, overwhelm, anger or a whole host of emotions when we consider what is happening in the Gulf.  And while certainly our emotions are appropriate, we may be of greater assistance to our planet and its life forms, if we sincerely, powerfully and humbly offer the prayer that Dr Emoto, himself, has proposed. This prayer/intention incorporates Ho’onoponopono, the ancient Hawai’in practice of reconciliation and forgiveness.

“I send the energy of love and gratitude to the water and all the living creatures in the Gulf of Mexico and its surroundings. To the whales, dolphins, pelicans, fish, shellfish, plankton, coral, algae, and all living creatures   . . .  I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.  I love you.” We are passing this request to people who we believe might be willing to participate in this prayer, to set an intention of love and healing that is so large, so overwhelming that we can perform a miracle in the Gulf of Mexico We are not powerless.  We are powerful.  Our united energy, speaking this prayer daily…multiple times daily….can literally shift the balance of destruction that is happening. We don’t have to know how……we just have to recognize that the power of love is greater than any power active in the Universe today. Please join us in oft repeating this healing prayer of Dr. Emoto’s. And feel free to copy and paste this to send it around the planet. Let’s take charge, and do our own clean up! And so it is!  Pass it on.

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a quote on birthing

(When discussing fear of “losing it” on giving birth)

… “There is the thought ‘I will collapse, I will cease to be’. You as you have known yourself will dissolve. Who you think you are dissolves, because who you think you are is built on ‘I’m doing well, I’m doing bad’ ”

– Gangaji. Quoted on the book Birthing from within, by Pam England and Rob Horowitz

kruusaaugu tee

Now with the melting snow, the road which used to have less snow, now is the last thing to remain. It took a couple of days to get my eyes used to the fact that there is no more snow. All the big piles are gone, and it really is the end of winter. Such a lovely, yet terrifying winter. Snow is now very dear to me. I thought during the night, that if I would really leave Estonia to live somewhere else, I have left something very precious here. It is dearer to me because my daughter was born here. It has an (even more) special place in my heart, the same as with winter. Even this everlasting winter, dies to give way to the spring, which is being cried upon by birds and the ground. Spring actually comes from the ground, said Andy Goldsworthy a while ago, and it is true. The plants are already there, under the snow, ice and water, just waiting for the right moment to come up. They are the most patient of all…

from the center of the earth to the weightlessness of outter space

In the last couple of weeks I have been slowly coming back to the old world and doings at the university, teaching yoga, and meeting friends. But it all seems to be an absolutely different world. After my absence for 3-4 months, it feels as if 1000 years have gone, not only because the train has been moving on without me, but because I have been to another 1000 different worlds, physically, mentally, psychicly, spiritually and in all sorts of possible ways. It really feels like I have been physically down to the center of the earth, pushed out at speed light off to the weightlessness of outer space, at years light from here and now, seeing our tiny little planet and tiny little lives going on like a play, and now I am back again here.

A few weeks ago I found this quote that I have been using as a signature to my emails. It is just so good metaphor. It is not something I can explain, but the experience makes me grateful for all that has happened in my life.

“You cannot stay on the mountain forever. You have to come down again. So why bother in the first place? Just this: What is above knows what is below, but what is below does not know what is above. One climbs, one sees. One descends, one sees no longer, but one has seen. There is an art of conducting oneself in the lower regions by the memory of what one saw higher up. When one can no longer see, one can at least still know.” (Rene Daumal, Mont Analogue)

Now back to earth, I need to focus on earthly issues. While at some point felt absolutely pointless, now needs to get attention. It is hard. If what was most important to me in all my life, is not there anymore to be nurtured, then what else in the world is important at all? Accepting this fact, and the reality of the world we live in, I go back to everyday doings with an open heart. And with a whole new perspective on things, on myself, and on the world. And that perspective, that distance, remains with me for life. It is one of the precious gifts of Vida.

“you will be fine…” or will I?

The morning glory that blooms for an hour
Differs not at heart
From the giant pine that lives for a thousand years.
– Zen proverb

Many people have said to me, as a way of comfort from the loss of my baby, “it will be allright” or “you’ll be fine”, “you can have more children”, “you are strong”, and many other coments of the like. To be honest, dear friends, these are words of comfort for yourself (and that is fine too!), but does not make any change. What does, is not your words but your projection, and it doesnt matter what you say, I understand your human kindness which cannot find the right words for comforting the loss of a child. Indeed, no words can undo what is done, but some help in the healing more than others.

My dear friend Sada Sat Simran Kaur shared with me a story:

“A while ago I read a children’s book. It was about a little angel who came to visit the earth but she had to go after a short time…….The people who had been taken care of the angel where sad that the angel had to go but before the angel left she gave something to them. It was a bag with a light in it. And this light was there to remember them of the angel. They could also spread it arround in the world. The light wasn’t an ordinary light it was an infinite light.”

pregnancy yoga

Next week I start again teaching yoga, after a 3 month break for the birth of my little angel, Vida.

On tuesday 30 march, I will start teaching kundalini yoga for pregnancy, which is a really enjoyable way of spending some hours during pregnancy. I myself enjoyed it a lot, being with my body and seeing how much less I was able to move every time. And in every month the feeling was different, some exercises were more pleasing (and needed) than others. There are many gifts we learn throughout the pregnancy, but what stuck in me the most during my first pregnancy, was the fact of giving in. Letting the love for my little one take over all my other (now trivial) priorities. It is well worth the sacrifice and the love! So much love!

The bittersweet process of grieving

Grief (duelo), in my experience of loosing my baby, is like a new building falling.

It took so long to plan it, build it, see it rise every month, see the movement inside it, the decoration, the light. And when it is completely built, it falls down. I cannot put the pieces together. At first there is only a fall, the world falling apart and it is literally un-believable. The fall is followed by a cloud of thick unbreathable dust. The dust does not let me see nor breath. I don’t know where I am, lost, where is anything? Where is the building? what happened? There is a complete emptiness and a hollow black hole in my chest. Only dust, but the inner feeling says there is light, unbelievable light and energy behind the dust. Being in this dust, for me was like being in a raging salty sea, under the breaking waves, where nothing makes sense. There is only confusion.

One day, when the dust settles, I can see slightly more clearly. All this dust takes ages to settle, and I’m angry because it takes so long. The confusion gives into fear and realising what has happened. Looking for answers, for comfort, facing the mess, the falling of dreams and hopes, the destruction of doctrines. At the same time, a great peace prevails, nothing moves, everything just is. No thoughts, no doctrines, no philosophies, just pure humanity, as if the body had been skinned and I can see the real flesh inside the humans, the physical stuff of what we are made of. The strength is gone, though. No wish for starting to clean the dust, just to see the beauty of it. When the dust has settled, the sky can be seen more clearly. And that means it is time to start cleaning. Oh dear pain! Cleaning the precious pieces that made up that building, is nothing I want to do. I just want to see the building rise in its magnificence, but instead I have to clean it, as if it had been unworthy. Every precious piece that with so much love and care we built, is now dust. Oh dear rage!

The sky reminds of a wider world, but I need to clean. The cleaning is painful, as painful as the cervix opening. Letting go, releasing of everything I was, I am, I will be. All ideas, all thoughts, all wishes, all dreams, all pains, all memories. Releasing, dying in me. In the cleaning, I do not see what comes after, though I think about it all the time. The cleaning takes so much time. I will not know the next step until the cleaning is done. This bittersweet cleaning and healing.

There will be more buildings around, yet this hole remains as a precious reminder of love beyond this world.