This is a very lonely place where I am standing. I realise the great effort others have done who have walked before me. It’s a lonely, dark and cold road which takes two or three decades to bear fruit. I’m not even done with my first decade here…
I now truly understand the patience that yogiji had with all of us. It is beyond any comprehension, beyond words. It came straight from the infinite, since there is absolutely no possibility that any human being can have such a patience, such a love, such kindness and compassion. It is beyond measure.
And here we are, in 2013, developing a new sangat in Estonia. For only 9 years so far. The front row and the last line are always balanced. Either one is empty and other crowded (like in a classroom?), or both are empty. Both are lonely. The one who leads and the one who holds the space. It needs grit, courage and complete and absolute focus and containment to be there. I am only now consolidating this in my cells. That is the ultimate sacrifice of the self. That is the ultimate merging into the one. That is going back home. That is to be liberated while alive. That is to die in life. The greatest sacrifice, the greatest liberation in this human form. I am a sacrifice to my destiny, to my guru and beloved. Nothing can ever stain such a steel. It becomes the strongest, the brightest and the purest. That’s the test of alchemy that is required. Less than that is useless.
I know this is scary. Some will feel offended, others threatened or punched in the face. Others will laugh and walk away. Se others will not get it at all. That’s all fine. The test is seen by those who have reached maturity. And those who react will come back around. It’s the law of the universe, I am only describing what has been commanded to me. I’m just the messenger, a humble and simple messenger.
In humble service to the divine in all,