It’s 3 am. Theo is 1.5 years old. Technically you could say he is ready to sleep through the night. Practically you could say he needs to be reassured of my presence during the night. I just spent about an hour trying to get him back to sleep. And unlike many other nights, I’m perfectly calm.
Is he waking up because he wants to bother me? Is he a sleepless rebel? Is he complotting against my sleep? Is he being spoiled? Should I be sleep training (or using some kind of no cry method to help him sleep through?
My answer to all this is clear: no.
As an intuitive mother I focus first on his well being. Not only physical (“his body needs full rest”) but also mental and spiritual. He needs to be treated with respect and loving kindness even in those wee hours of the night, when I and my mind are at our weakest point. Very easily this could all turn into a drama: I lose my patience and he will cry. That is all pointless because he will then be wide awake for the next couple of hours. Or I will just need to put more effort into getting him to calm down. But sometimes that’s what needs to happen.
In moments like this, I have learnt to become non attached. Being different from de-tachment, non-attachment implies having no expectations whatsoever. He might wake up, or fall asleep, or I may need to carry him around. There is no other purpose of my actions except being there for him, and contain him. I don’t just expect him to fall asleep because the fact that I want him to fall asleep. I’m open to being sensitive and responsive to him, whatever the outcome is.
“I love you because I love myself”. I am within me, centered, therefore I can be non attached to the action. And I am within me, centered, thus I am patience myself, cannot run out of it. I am within me, centered, therefore I can contain you, and to beyond human boundaries to provide you with heavenly values and qualities.
That is my focus, during these wee hours, that keeps me from losing it. A deeper meaning than just “get to sleep!” despair.
Because I love you and I love myself, and I owe this to both of us.
In gratitude for every challenge as an open door to the unknown,
Now to sleep, because This is my chance!