We are driving to the countryside. It’s 8 pm and Theo is sleeping on my lap (yes, on my lap). Outside it’s pitch dark and cold. I remember how I used to fear cold when I arrived here to Estonia. That was right years ago. I was so afraid of the cold, it was a very strong fear of death. I would feel as if I would be left alone in the forest and just freeze. That feeling haunted me for some years. Sometimes it comes back to the surface. But what has happened, what is different?
I remember few occasions when I used to go cross country skiing or hiking with friends in the frozen swamps and rivers. Those were amazing experiences. Fearful ones. I remember thinking that I needed to face that fear of freezing to overcome it.
I don’t think I overcame it fully, but it helped. Going out there like that helped me in a way I didn’t expect it. I just got used to that fear. I became friends with it. I accepted the fact that it is ok to have that fear and I can live with it. Let’s better be friends than enemies. And it kind of lost its greatness with that, and with the fact that I lived one winter after another, and kind of got used to the cold.
The first time I worded what that fear was was after three years of having been here living, I went back to Mexico for a yoga training in Authentic Relationships (incidentally, it is the same that I’m organizing next week). The recognition that that fear of the cold came from a very human fear of death wasn’t very easy to guess. But it came then. And at the very end of the training, Tarn Taran Singh, who was leading that course, said that all fears actually sprout from the fear of death. Any kind of fear, be it small, stupid, deep or real, originates from the fear of death, the fear if the unknown. What if?
So we just have to accept the fact that there is no answer to that question. And it is ok if we don’t know what’s on the order side. We don’t have to know, it is beyond logic, and we just have to trust. It takes courage. It takes grit. It takes fearlessness. It takes awareness. It takes excellence. It takes grace. It takes consciousness. It takes peace if mind.
We are all one with the one. No fear will ever change that fact.
We are just riding on an amusement park. Just trust.
During those long hikes in the harsh cold, I discovered that I could’nt fight against the cold. I used to get all cramped and stiff as if that would warm me up. It was an automatic reaction. But I discovered that I better relax and merge with the cold. Be one with it. Enjoy it. BE cold. And in fact that made me warm.
Stay tuned.
In gratitude and humility to the one.
Sukhdev Kaur

One thought on “Cold”

  1. mi linda,tu tienes mi corazon para calentarte,y theo el tuyo,estoy muy orgullosa de ti siempre luchando contra tus miedos,,te amooooooooooooooooo

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